cheesecake and decadence.

Lena and I are in the states for a couple weeks while I photograph some weddings that I had booked before we made the decision to move to Haiti last year.

24 hours in and I have already gone to Chickfila, Starbucks, and had way too much fun in the Target $1 section. One wedding down and on a roadtrip to the next one that is in Florida. And if you saw me at the Cheesecake Factory tonight, I promise it was my twin;)

It may look like we are having fun. And we are. But I’m basically a giant mess of emotions and trying to cover it up with lots of American decadence and some diva thrown in there. Today I even had to pump my own gas. Talk amongst yourselves but if Haiti has one thing going for it, it’s that I don’t have to pump gas, they have someone who does it for you.

Back to my mess. Being here is a little weird. I feel torn. I feel like I shouldn’t be enjoying this decadence when my husband and friends are having long hard days of generators being silly and other Haiti things that are bound to be going on. Then I drive on beautiful clean roads and think how much we take the small things for granted here. I can’t watch much tv because anything news related makes me want to vomit. Then there are moments where I wonder why we are crazy enough to go through all of this. Sometimes it is hard to not get wrapped up in the what if’s and risk of it all. Being away from Haiti makes Haiti feel like a lifetime ago.

And in the midst of it. I miss it all. I would trade every nice non-bumpy road, every piece of cheesecake, all of it for Ayiti. For the people there that I love and believe in enough to fight for them to have better lives.

Here is to a few weeks of trying to enjoy the decadence of Chickfila and warm showers while not having meltdowns in Krogers.

(a window of Haiti)