Funny how God works things out in His time. This trip to the states came at the perfect time. I have spent the last couple months frustrated, seeking God and knowing I needed to press in more, wanting to change some things that I didn’t have control over, and wanting more. I want more of what matters. Truly matters. My heart yearns for it.

In the past two weeks I have had this sense of freedom, of focus, and God doing His thing. Stripped of some of the frustration, this trip came on the heels of that and has helped me know what I need to dive into and what really matters. More than ever, I know that I need to say no to some things so that I can say yes to the things that I love. Yes to my family. Yes to what God is asking, Yes to love and turning down negative voices. I have this giant sense of HOPE in what He is doing in our lives!

Diving into God and saying yes.
Diving into my family.
Diving into awesome relationships with amazing people who get me and love me for the mess I am.

(love these girls more than they know:) Thankful to spend time with them ! )

Lena and I are in the states for a couple weeks while I photograph some weddings that I had booked before we made the decision to move to Haiti last year.

24 hours in and I have already gone to Chickfila, Starbucks, and had way too much fun in the Target $1 section. One wedding down and on a roadtrip to the next one that is in Florida. And if you saw me at the Cheesecake Factory tonight, I promise it was my twin;)

It may look like we are having fun. And we are. But I’m basically a giant mess of emotions and trying to cover it up with lots of American decadence and some diva thrown in there. Today I even had to pump my own gas. Talk amongst yourselves but if Haiti has one thing going for it, it’s that I don’t have to pump gas, they have someone who does it for you.

Back to my mess. Being here is a little weird. I feel torn. I feel like I shouldn’t be enjoying this decadence when my husband and friends are having long hard days of generators being silly and other Haiti things that are bound to be going on. Then I drive on beautiful clean roads and think how much we take the small things for granted here. I can’t watch much tv because anything news related makes me want to vomit. Then there are moments where I wonder why we are crazy enough to go through all of this. Sometimes it is hard to not get wrapped up in the what if’s and risk of it all. Being away from Haiti makes Haiti feel like a lifetime ago.

And in the midst of it. I miss it all. I would trade every nice non-bumpy road, every piece of cheesecake, all of it for Ayiti. For the people there that I love and believe in enough to fight for them to have better lives.

Here is to a few weeks of trying to enjoy the decadence of Chickfila and warm showers while not having meltdowns in Krogers.

(a window of Haiti)

They call her piti blan. Small white. Our challenge is going to be to reign in her diva-ness because she is getting a little too used to way too much attention:)

We stood in the market out in the village trying to buy shoes because we had forgotten flip flops for her.  Lena is looking at the shoes and holding them up to see if they will fit.  I look up and see that 30+ people have surrounded the wooden table all watching Lena pick out shoes and giggling as she put the ones that she didn’t want back.

But then are these moments when she blends in, and the kids play with her just as they would another Haitian kid, or she is sitting in the kitchen carrying on with some of our Haitian friends.

She lives an odd life. One that I’m so grateful for.

A life full of adventure, harsh realities, loving and missing, and singing, lots of singing:) It’s not all roses, believe me. Just last week I had to explain to her why the baby we saw the day before had gone to Heaven. And yesterday she said goodbye to some ladies that work here since we won’t see them until we get back from the States and she just cried. It’s hard to always be missing someone.

But you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world. She is learning life. That it is hard sometimes. And that people suffer. And there is immense good in the world. And that status and money don’t really matter, but loving people where they are does. And that God is good, all the time.

We got to spend the week the other week with a few dear friends who are adopting girls from here. They were visiting them with a team down here so Lena got to spend her days playing with some cuties:) Here is her and her little friend Eden. It’s amazing what a bucket can do for kids to keep them entertained!